Moving In

I got here two days ago.

Moving is always strange. You get used to it by this age, moving to college, moving to an apartment, moving across the country, moving back, living from your car, finding a new apartment, back in with your parents when the job isn’t paying enough. It’s still strange, especially when you’re all alone, in a new place. It didn’t really hit me until I started unloading my car, no one there to grab the other end of my boxes. Frustrating.

The neighbors were in and out of their houses, coming like a breeze, slamming doors, the start of an engine and then gone again. Friendly enough, hellos given, especially from the guys, but no offers to help. Chivalry may indeed be dead. Lucky though that I would have said no anyway, had they offered.

When I went to grab the second box from the Subaru, (I saw about a million today, so I think I’m already fitting in), I had the strangest flash of Deja Vu. Not the kind that you can almost remember the moment that seems so familiar, just the distant kind that lingers like an itch in the back of your mind, crawling in your brain, teasing. Unable to do anything to scratch it, i just kind of stood there for a while, looking around, each change in scenery a new spark of memory and realization, before finally fading.

I felt like an ass.

So I grabbed the box and hurried into my new apartment.

The whole place is called an apartment complex but they seem more like townhouses. I’ve got a first floor single. It’s small but cozy. I don’t have a lot of things to begin with, so I’m not worried about crowding the place. The fronts of the buildings are flat and blank, inside you can tell that the whole complex was hastily thrown together, much of the paneling peeling at corners, door jambs screwed in loosely on well worn frames. But they’re clean. The lords let me start moving in a couple days before my lease starts at the first of the month. They told me I’d be getting a new sliding back door in the next few days, that I should watch for signage two days out. That’s nice I suppose. Neighborhood is taking care of me.

Taking care of me. It gives me a funny feeling, that someone should be caring for me. It’s hollow, like an old friend reunited after too much time apart only to realize you have too little in common, that history means nothing, that strangers alone you’re meant to be.

The thought in turn leads away from Valentine’s Day to my friends back at home. The friends I drove across the country with, the friends I graduated with, the friends from work. The constant shift began to make me feel sick by the end, the friendships feeling expendable, my mind wandering to curiosity about when they would finally die off, peter out. I’d never been one for the internet in college. Was always too busy “getting involved.” Feels like everyone has a Facebook these days – they told me to keep in touch, to get an account and stay up to date, take lots of pictures of the mountains and the scenery. I think it’s probably important to know when to cut ties… And like I’ve said, I need a fresh start.

Wednesday was beautiful. I rolled down the windows, cranked the music, let the wind blow back my hair and finally got to the complex at only four in the afternoon. Clouds had begun to roll over the mountains at that point – from the west. The mountains mean west. Like a constant compass. Weird. Different from the rows and rows of homes, glass, buildings, the blend of the historic and the modern, one block broken and homeless, the next with classy restaurants and limestone, the next colorful, selling products for cheaper than retail. There’s an arid feel here; the air is dry, the wind seems to vary from warm to cold almost hourly. Beats the way the wind whips down the city streets back at home though.

There’s a war here. It seems anyway. The sun battling with the wintry nature of the state. No wonder everyone here must love skiing.

It rained that night, a pretty good pour. And it weirded me out to find snow on the ground the following morning. I was tired, moving boxes inside with my lazy weak arms, and slept until eleven. The rain turned over at some point early in the morning. Colorado seems to be living up to its reputation. The snow refuses to quit. The sun got the best of it though. Melted off by the afternoon entirely. Had I slept a little longer, it would have completely melted outside my window and I would have never known. The thought weirds me out, like my nights sleep put me through a whole season, missing snow, hibernation, the passing of time while I’m alone and unaware inside, cooped up, forgotten about, alone.

Today it’s cloudy, thick dark blue clouds pouring across the sky. The wind snaps at people’s clothes. It’s funny to see some people bundled up outside, others in shorts. It’s exotic here. It feels different.

I mailed some boxes of stuff through FedEx when I left. My television. Microwave. The rest of my clothes and books that I couldn’t fit in the car. I sold my crappy furniture back at home – figured it would be easy and cheap to CraigsList new stuff. Especially come mid May when the colleges let out and people need to get rid of their furniture because they can’t move it.

So I’m sitting here on the floor, stealing the neighbors wireless connection on my mac, updating the blog because I don’t have much else to do. I’ll have to call some cable providers and get some internet for myself soon. The house has a funny feel, this empty. Like most places brand new when you move in. It’s waiting for you. Separate. Like two strangers sitting in a room together, the void of furniture is like the void of speech. Silence physical around me. It’s uncomfortable.

Sleeping on the floor with so much space above my head feels like the void just pressing down on me. It’s lonely. I don’t like it. But I wouldn’t call it a problem. We’ll just have to be friends, blog people, internet, and me. Maybe I’ll try to reach out with Twitter soon – I think that might help. Say hi to you digital people! Find something to fill the void.

Happy Birthday

People use birthdays and New Years to mark those times when they look back on the year they’ve had and the year to come. If last year I said I was looking forward to the year to come, I shouldn’t have. But it’s another birthday come round now, today. This year can’t be worse than the last.

I’ve never given much thought to blogging before this, but after working at the magazine and moving out here to Colorado, I think it’s a good time to give it a shot. Feel connected, organize my thoughts, give a little meaning to my days I guess… Yeah.

About me, then. What do you want to know? My name’s Katie. I just moved from Philly because I had to get away from that place. Cities were great but I need a little peace. Couldn’t really handle it anymore, you know? I passed through Colorado on my way west back in the summer of 2007 and I’ve been promising a return trip ever since. Be careful what you wish for. I’m 25, I like the outdoors, but mostly just for going on walks. I played volleyball for a few years in high school and I guess I still love it, but don’t have much chance to play anymore. My degree is in art, graphic design was what I wanted. It’s a good field but most days I still don’t feel like much of an artist. A designer, sure. But I’ve never really felt like an artist, just some dumb poser. Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn’t.

That’s really about it. If you’re interested in following along, I won’t tell you it’s going to be very interesting. If it’s anything like these last couple days, it might get kind of boring.

Anyway, signing off now, I guess. Until tomorrow?